Wander Lost

Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.

--Ozzy Ozborne

I used my Apple AirTag to follow a stranger around DC for four hours. Then I approached her while she was eating in a restaurant with a friend and requested that she return it.

Let me explain.

Last week, I met up with my old friend, Steve for a ramble around the Folk Life Festival on the national mall and a vague plan for lunch following. When I say Steve is an old friend, I don’t mean that he is old (although like me, he is) but rather a long-time friend. His dorm room was next to mine my first semester of college and thereafter we roomed together for most of college including a semester in which we shared a little apartment near the Olympic Stadium in Munich. We’ve traveled together in Italy, hiked bits of the Appalachian trail, and toured many an art museum together on various continents, and enjoyed many a road trip.. He probably knows more unflattering things about me than anyone including my wife.

It was, as is to be expected in July in DC, hot and humid by 10 am and getting stickier by the minute. As we ambled about the mall, I got a phone call from another friend and former colleague whom I hadn’t heard from in more than a year. Curious, I took the call though it was exceedingly rude to do so. Drawing my iPhone from its faux-suede sleeve, I spoke for five minutes and then Steve and I continued on our way.

About five minutes later my iPhone alerted me (through my Apple Watch) that my phone sleeve had been left behind. But no, there it was in my bag with my phone in it.

Then I realized what had happened.

I keep my phone in a sleeve to protect the screen from scratches, but I am always losing the sleeve. In fact, this is my second one, having lost the last permanently in someone’s car. So, to prevent this one from being lost, I tucked an Apple AirTag into the sleeve’s little pocket. The AirTag had fallen out of the pocket when I took out my phone.

If you haven’t heard of them, AirTags are little coin shaped objects about the size of a half dollar that you can attach to or tuck inside your stuff so that if you lose the thing, you can find it again. They pair to your phone and talk to it using Bluetooth at close range. So, if you lose your keys around the house, you can ping them using your phone and the app will lead you to them with a directional arrow. Or you can have the AirTag make a chirp to help you find it. As someone who loses his stuff all the time, these have been a life saver for me. I have no fewer than nine AirTags, one of which is attached to each set of car keys, my house keys, my umbrella, inside the pocket of my Tilley Hat and inside my often-misplaced phone sleeve. But now, an AirTag I used to keep from losing stuff was itself lost.

No problem! The “Find My” app on my phone showed the AirTag still on the mall near the American History Museum where I had taken the call. Steve being the good sport that he is, agreed that we would walk back to grab it.

But by the time we reached the spot, the tag didn’t seem to be on the mall any more. Now it was 500 meters away in front of the museum itself. We turned and started walking that way.

Now, one thing is important to know about AirTags. Once you are beyond Bluetooth range (about 10 meters or 30 feet) the tag can’t communicate directly with your phone. Instead, it sends out a signal with its location that can be picked up by any Apple iPhone or iPad that happens by. Then, that person’s iPhone (unbeknownst to them) anonymously reports the location to an Apple Server which then tells the owners phone where it is, allowing him or her to find it anywhere as long as someone with an iPhone walks by it. BUT, and this is important, if the AirTag is moving it only updates its location when it passes close to another iPhone and mine appeared to be moving!

The AirTag seemed now to be inside the museum. Steve and I went inside. I figured it would just be a minute or two until I tracked down the person who had obviously found the thing and was walking around with it. It was probably a tourist, maybe a child. I’d confront them, demand it back and that would be that.

But the Airtag was always a step ahead of me and the delay in its reporting its location meant that by the time I got to the room where it had been, it was already gone. I couldn’t get close enough for my phone to connect to it and lead me right to it. It may have even been on a different floor in the four-story museum.

After about a half hour of dragging poor Steve in and out of the museum, I decided that this was not a good use of our time together. Afterall, an AirTag only costs about $25. I could just get another one.

Anyway, by now we were both hungry and headed over toward the newly developed waterfront in Southeastern DC. The harbor is now lined with fancy condos, retail, and restaurants. I hadn’t been there since it was redeveloped, and I was curious to see what had been done.

It is nice though somewhat soulless. I imagined living in one of those $2,000,000 condos and waking up each morning to a living room flooded with light overlooking the colorful boats in the harbor. But, yeah, that is probably not happening, so I contented myself with the dream as we dined on fish and chips at Gordon Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen. Two portions of F&C and two beers $54.96! Pricey, but hey it’s Gordon Ramsey so shut up and be grateful you lout!

After lunch, it was time for Steve to head back to work. Yes, he still goes to an office from time to time! I don’t understand what exactly he does but oil and gas is somehow involved, and it is clearly very important since he isn’t permitted to retire.

I walked with Steve to his building and then set out for the Metro to head home but first, I thought I’d take a peek and see where my AirTag had journeyed. It was at Dupont Circle, several miles from where I lost it! Dupont Circle happens to be on the red line in my homeward direction. I decided to keep an eye on the AirTag as I descended into the Smithsonian Station.

By the time I reached Farragut West, the tag was at Farragut North and headed my way. On a whim, I jumped off the subway and dashed up the escalator to the surface. The AirTag was 500 meters away at Farragut Square Park. Perhaps one of seemingly homeless men sitting on the benches had picked it up. I chatted with them prepared to give a reward if they had found it. I showed them another AirTag to explain what one was. They just looked at me like I was speaking another language. Anyway, by this point the AirTag had clearly moved on without any of us.

Again, I gave chase always seemingly five minutes too late to find the AirTag and the person attached to it. The search led me to The White House where hundreds of tourists were milling about. There was a scary man camped out in a tent on the curb of Pennsylvania Avenue shouting obscenities through a megaphone in the President’s general direction. It wasn’t clear exactly what his complaint was, if indeed he had one, but he looked as if he had not been outside of that tent for a very long time. The tourists ignored him as did I since he didn’t appear to be in possession of my AirTag and if he had been, I wouldn’t have dared ask him for it.

Then the trail went cold. The last update said that my Tag was at 700 Jackson Way right across the street from The White House. There were two police officer looking dudes standing at the corner. I asked them if they had found an AirTag. They had not. The AirTag had stopped updating. Twenty minutes went by. It didn’t seem to move from the corner of Jackson Way but it wasn’t actually there.

AirTags have a feature that is meant to prevent the owner from using it to track or stalk another person. If the AirTag is traveling with someone other than their owner, it will try to alert that person by making a sound. A message will also pop up on their phone telling them that an unknown AirTag is traveling with them and explaining how to remove the battery to disable it.

I was sure that this is what had happened. The finder had disabled the thing and that was the end of my search. Once again, I headed toward the Metro and home. By now it was 2 pm. Very hot and very sticky, I had been walking for several hours at this point and I had drunk all of the water in my bottle. “Enough!” I thought as I dragged myself up 17th Street toward the Red Line. And then… there it was again at the corner of 17th and Pennsylvania Avenue. I struggled to let it go. I couldn’t. The challenge was just too great. I turned back toward Pennsylvania Ave.

Back at the corner of 17th & Penn. I waited for the tag to update again. Each time it did I got a little closer. Finally walking up and down Pennsylvania the phone connected to the tag, the arrow was pointing inside a restaurant. It was 5 meters away!

Once inside, the arrow on my phone pointed directly at a family of Indian tourists ordering at the counter. I had found them!

Drenched with sweat, my few stands of thinning hair in disarray, probably a bit smelly, I tried not to look totally crazy as I approached the father with my example AirTag in my outstretched hand.

“Did you by any chance find one of these,” I asked.

My efforts to appear like a reasonable human being were in vain. He shrunk back clearly repulsed by this insane, sweaty, old man holding out his palm.

Then something surprising happened. There was a tiny Latina woman sitting at a window counter right behind the family. She and her friend were eating what looked like delicious sandwiches. She was listening intently to what I was asking the young tourist dad.

“I found one of those!” she exclaimed.

A search ensued in which she tried to remember where in her bag she had tossed it. Then she investigated her coin purse and there was my AirTag chirping away in her hand like a little lost bird.

She was pleased to return it to me and I insisted on giving her $10 for finding it, even though if she had just left it where it was, I would have had it back hours earlier. The adventure and challenge had been worth $10. We had a little chat and I learned that she had recently moved to DC. She seemed like a nice lady. She didn’t appear to be at all creeped out that I had been following her around DC for more than four hours. I hoped she might offer me half of her sandwich, but she did not.

Ten minutes later I sank into the air-conditioned comfort of a Metro car headed north enjoying the filtered air and wishing I’d bought a bottle of water. Though thirsty, I drank deep of the satisfaction of knowing that my persistence had paid off.

AirTags work! I learned first-hand both the benefits and limitations of these clever little trackers. But one wonders if the effort needed to find the thing that helps you find things is always worth it. At any rate, I am looking for a way to secure the tag inside my phone sleeve so if I lose them again, I’ll lose them together. If I do, I may limit the time I spend searching, for in the words of Samuel Smiles, “Lost wealth may be replaced by industry, lost knowledge by study, lost health by temperance or medicine, but lost time is gone forever.”